Leadership - Overcoming Shame & Self-Consciousness
June 9, 2010
“Of all the battles I have fought in my career, none has been as tough as my struggle to gain my father’s approval.” – Oscar De La Hoya, World Boxing Champion
Over the years I have noticed a bashfulness or shyness amongst many of the young Hispanic youth I used to counsel. I noticed almost every one of those who came to my office would stare at the floor when they talked to me. They rarely looked me in the eye. I never took that as a sign of disrespect or indifference because I knew how they felt since I had been that way myself. I remember as a young boy how difficult it was to express myself without coming to tears, (especially if I was talking to a teacher or some other authority figure), or how I would be extremely embarrassed to walk in front of any crowd; especially if I thought I would draw attention to myself. I took an “F” in my college speech class just so I would not have to stand up and face an audience as part of my final exam (Hardly the traits of a leader and public speaker). So, I get it. But when it comes to leadership, our ongoing personal growth requires that we acknowledge, address and work to overcome these types of challenges.
As I mentioned, my own inner battles of personal growth, have led me to form a simple theory about how this “social timidity” happens, where it originates, and why it is common amongst so many Hispanic youth. My theory is not scientific, but simply my own observations and process of how I learned to overcome what I call “the voice of shame and self-consciousness.”
My first clue came when I began to read and learn about dysfunctional family systems from Dr. John Bradshaw’s book, “Bradshaw on the Family – A Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery” (Health Communications, Inc., 1988), and what was described as a “soul sickness”; a deep sense of shame, caused by the lack of affection and abandonment of one or both parents (Physically or emotionally). Bradshaw explained the difference between guilt and shame and the importance of parents knowing this difference. Guilt is feeling bad about something we have done. Guilt says “I’ve made a mistake”. Shame is feeling bad about who we are as a person. Shame says, “I am a mistake”. And therein lies what I believe is at the root of our inner struggle. Shame then develops into self-consciousness. The more I studied these new terms, the more they made perfect sense to me and gave me an understanding I needed to begin to defeat this voice of the past.
Webster’s defines shame as; “a painful feeling of guilt, embarrassment or disgrace. Something that is unfortunate or regrettable”. Thus, shame in and of itself is not bad, until self becomes the subject of the definition. And part of the discipline and verbal reprimand we got sometimes can make one feel that we are “something unfortunate and regrettable” to our parents. We are often the victims of a barrage of belittling remarks like – “what’s wrong with you?”, “are you stupid?”, “you make me sick”, “idiot”, “dummy” and a variety of other put downs some parents consistently use to address their children. Add to this self-consciousness, defined as; “uncomfortably aware of one’s appearance or manner”, and we realize we have what Bradshaw described as “soul sickness”, which can cause us to never really know who we really are.
For example, I recall the battle I fought (and eventually overcame) with words from my father that I perceived to be belittling at the time. Like any young boy, I wanted the approval of my father. But being a child of an alcoholic parent is tough for a variety of reasons, let alone expecting to be nurtured, encouraged and emotionally embraced. I remember when he asked me what I wanted to do, or be when I grew up. At that time my dream was to play professional baseball for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Our house was about a ten minute drive from Dodger stadium. When we did not have the money to pay for a ticket, sometimes we would climb up the hill behind the stadium (Where today you can see the huge blue letters that read “THINK BLUE”) where we could at least partially see pieces of the game. Whenever we went to Dodger stadium, we would wait for hours after the game to get an autograph from any of the players we could catch getting into their car. Some were patient and kind about it, others were not, but it really didn’t matter because it was just as exciting to see the players up close and personal. Baseball soon became my greatest love. Thus, the answer to my dad’s question was that I wanted to play for the Los Angeles Dodgers when I grew up. Now, what do you suppose I wanted to hear from my dad? What do you think a good response from a dad to his son would have been? Something like, “That’s great son, I think you can do it”, or “That’s a great goal and if you work hard and keep playing the way you are now, it’s possible”, or something to that affect. However, his response to me (on more than one occasion) was, “Well, do you really think you’re good enough?” The tone of sarcasm in his voice just caused my heart to sink. “Do I think I’m good enough?! That’s an emotional let down to a little boy. Of course looking back, I realize my dad did not know any better and probably did not mean to discourage me. Nevertheless that “voice” would hinder my thinking about myself over the years.
I’m not sure if this is a cultural thing or not amongst Latino’s, but our parents were quick to verbally correct and sometimes belittle, but slow to give positive verbal praise. It’s kind of like the mentality of playing the game not to lose, rather than playing to win. It was always about what we couldn’t do and the negative warnings of - “don’t get a big head”, “be careful not to think you’re all that”, and “if you don’t have big expectations you won’t have big disappointments”. Not exactly the words that encourage a young boy to believe he can achieve his dream. In addition to the lack of verbal praise, I often witness a lack of physical affection many of our youth experience as a normal part of their daily life. Sometimes to the point where the parent actually physically pushes children away from them when they come towards them as a natural need for the parents touch and comfort.
Oscar De La Hoya, one of the greatest boxing champions of our time, speaks to these things in his autobiography, “American Son, My Story” (Harper Collins, 2008):
“From the outside we looked like the typical Mexican-American family. We didn’t have any more or any less than other households in our East L.A. neighborhood. On the inside, though, there was something lacking, something very essential in the nurturing of a child. Maybe that was typical, too, of our neighborhood. We never talked about anything. We never had conversations around the house. I remember saying just a few words to my mother at a time and that was it. My parents never sat my brother and me down and talked to use about the birds and the bees or any problems we might be having. They never offered to help us with homework. They simply said, “We’re the parents and you listen to us and that’s it.” The thing I regret the most is not telling my mother I loved her. She never told me she loved me, either. I knew she did love me and I’m sure she knew I loved her, but we never had that kind of communication…I don’t want to say our household was cold, but there really weren’t any emotions in evidence.”
To be fair, I’m not saying this is true about every Latino family and I’m sure other cultures experience the same thing. It also varies from family to family, child to child and the absence of one of these things does not mean the absence of all of them. For example, perhaps one parent is very affectionate, but not very good at expressing emotions verbally, or vice versa. As Oscar continues, “My parents didn’t know how to express themselves, especially my father. It’s only recently that he has told me he loves me and has given me big hugs. I finally feel he’s proud of me.”
I know this sounds like I’m totally blaming the parents. And while shame and self-consciousness can come from a number of other places, I do think our home life plays a big role. Nevertheless, the good news is, for those who may be struggling with the voice of shame and self-consciousness from the past, we can decide to change any negative thought or voice that comes into our mind and not allow the past to control us any longer.
Three simple suggestions for overcoming the voice of shame and self-consciousness:
Acknowledge the shame (Soul sickness) – As a leader we do not have the luxury to remain with a shame-based mentality inherited from our past by the abandonment or mistakes made by ourselves and others. Acknowledging our sickness is always the first step towards getting better.
Forgive and let go – Even if we have been wronged and hurt, we must learn to admit it, own up to it, forgive others and move on. Of course this is easier said than done, but it is possible and necessary for our own personal health and happiness. As the great leader, Nelson Mandela said, “Revenge is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.”
Learn to function in the “zone” – As an athlete we experience the difference between performing in the “zone” and performing in “self-consciousness.” It occurred to me how much better my performance was when I played away games instead of home games in front of people who knew me. When I played at home, my focus was on me - how I looked and how I acted. Any little error was magnified in my mind because the spectators in the stands were people who knew me. Yet, when I played in places where no one knew me, I felt relaxed and I could focus on playing the game, rather than playing to the crowd. I realized I needed to shift my focus away from the home crowd and ignore those watching who knew me and just concentrate on playing to the best of my ability and not worry about friends and family.
The important point is being free to discover who we really are, develop our skills and learn to find that “zone” where we perform at our peak potential without any hindrances from within or without. It is that place of intense concentration, where knowledge, attitude, skill and clear conscience come together for maximum production. The more we practice discovering and developing our real self, we will defeat the voice of shame and self-consciousness.
Dare to Dream
December 18, 2009
“What makes me unique? That was the question I felt compelled to address…What alone do I have to offer? – It came to me in a flash: Whatever my accomplishments, all the things I loved were rooted in the dreams and goals I had as a child…My uniqueness, I realized, came in the specifics of all the dreams…that defined my forty-six years of life. Sitting there, I knew despite the cancer, I truly believed I was a lucky man because I had lived out these dreams. And I had lived out my dreams, in great measure, because of the things I was taught by all sorts of extraordinary people along the way.”
– The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch, Professor, Carnegie Mellon University
Leadership is about daring to dream. It is about the proper use of vision and applied imagination. In leadership jargon the words “dream” and “vision” are used interchangeably. They both speak about our ability to think about, envision and creatively imagine what our future will be, or what we would like it to be.
My friend Richard Montanez was a dreamer. Ever since he was a child, his creative mind was at work; dreaming and imagining he could do and have more than what others were limiting him to. He tells the “cookie story” of how in grammar school (back in the day) there used to be two lines after school – one for the white kids and another for the brown kids. The difference was that the white kids’ line went into a bungalow where they received cookies and milk for a snack. While in the other line there were no cookies or milk but only homework to do before going home. One day Richard got “hungry” and wondered if he could get away with standing in the white line and not be noticed. “Hunger will cause you to dream big”, as he likes to say. The other kids told him he was crazy, but somehow he still hoped that the teachers wouldn’t notice him even though his skin was dark brown and he had jet black hair. Closer and closer he got to the door. He began to sweat and get nervous, but his hunger was stronger than his nervousness. When he finally got to the front of the line the teacher looked at him and asked him what he was doing. In his shaky, but hungry voice, he asked if he could go in and get some cookies, to which the teacher replied, “Yes you can”! What a difference Richard made that day, not only for himself, but for the entire school and all the other Latino kids watching this “hungry dreamer”. But the story does not end there.
As he grew older, Richard got a job one day as a janitor for the corporation, Frito-Lay, the maker of many different food products and snacks, amongst which are two of my favorites – Fritos and Cheetos. One day he noticed that his co-workers were taking the leftover Cheetos and putting salsa on them and eating them as snacks during break times. Being the dreamer that he was, all of a sudden he had a great idea and approached his boss to ask if he could share the idea with him. “Richard”, his boss said, “what idea do you have that you want to meet with all the executives?” Richard replied, “I think I have an idea that could make a lot of money and I would like a chance to present it.” His boss gave him a funny look but agreed and told him to let him know when he was ready to make his presentation. Excited about the opportunity he went all out. He bought a suit and tie, which he had never done before. He bought a book on marketing and making presentations, and read and studied the best he could, but he really did not know what he was doing, he later admitted. All he had was an idea, a dream, and knew if he could get it across it would be big. The day finally came and there he was up on the executive floor of the corporate building in the executive meeting room with all the executives sitting around the table listening to him struggle to explain himself. “I made a complete fool of myself” he said. Then during the presentation, one of the Vice Presidents, whose job it was to come up with creative ideas, asked him; “OK Richard, so how much of the market are we going to get if we do this idea of yours”? Richard said; “I don’t know, I haven’t read that chapter yet.” As they all sat there and looked at him, all of a sudden a picture of the chip racks in the store came into his mind and he quickly added; “but, I think if we do this we will get this much of the market” – stretching out his arms from side to side. At that they all began to laugh at him, except the CEO and President of the Corporation. Who proceeded to stand up and said; “Gentlemen, this man has just told us that if we go with his idea, we are going to make millions of dollars”, and the rest, as they say, is history. You see, Richard Montanez is the creator of what you and I today know as “Hot Cheetos” that has become one of the biggest selling products for Frito-Lay, making them literally millions of dollars each year and took Richard from the corporate janitor to one of the Regional Corporate Vice Presidents all because he dared to dream.
This former gang banger from East Los Angeles tells how he knows what it is like to bang in the barrio and ride in the back of the lawn mower truck, and also knows what it’s like to ride on the corporate jet! Richard says; “the corporate jet is much better”. Richard is a prime example of a Latino leader who applied his creative abilities to dream and moved from the margins to the mainstream of the corporate world and today he shares his story every chance he gets to inspire young Latino leaders that you too can “make it” – you can become more successful – if you dare to dream.
A lot of professors are asked to give talks titled, “The Last Lecture”. Professors are asked to pretend that if they knew this was really going to be the last lecture they could give – what message, wisdom, advice, information, or knowledge would they want to deliver to their audience that would sum up their life’s legacy. In the case of Professor Randy Pausch, of Carnegie Mellon University, he did not have to pretend it would be his last lecture, as he had actually been diagnosed with terminal cancer. As he began to search his soul about what he wanted to say, he knew he did not want to talk about death, but rather about what it meant to really live your life and that’s when his subject clearly came to him – “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” – that he delivered to a packed hall of 400 students and colleagues a few months before he died.
I think it is very instructive that a professor, who knew he only had a short time to live, would choose the topic of fulfilling one’s life dreams as his last message and legacy. If you think about it, there were so many other things he could have talked about; dealing with death, what it’s like to have cancer, his career as a University professor, the lessons he has learned from having to leave his wife and small children behind, his fears, questions, hopes and beliefs about life after death, and so many other topics. Instead, he chose the topic of fulfilling your childhood dreams.
But sometimes we don’t always achieve our childhood dreams. My childhood dream was to play for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and although I did not fulfill that dream, I am happy that my career went beyond high school and into college and semi-pro leagues that allowed me the experience to play alongside others who eventually did make it to the big leagues. So, what did I do? I had to change my dream and reinvent myself according to the other talents I had in addition to my athletic abilities. Of course the process took awhile, but eventually a new vision unfolded. People reinvent themselves all the time, or change careers, as others would put it. There is nothing wrong with starting out doing one thing, and if it doesn’t work out, trying another road that is still in line with who you are and what you are talented and passionate about. They key however, to reinventing yourself, is vision. It is applying your ability to imagine, dream, and create in your heart and mind a life that rings true within you about your unique mission and role in life, a sense of your own destiny, a sense of purpose and meaning.
In his “Last Lecture”, Professor Pausch talks about achieving one of his boyhood dreams of becoming a Disney “Imagineer”. This division of the Walt Disney Company is described as, “Walt Disney Imagineering is the master planning, creative development, design, engineering, production, project management, and research and development arm of The Walt Disney Company and its affiliates. Its talented corps of Imagineers is responsible for the creation of Disney resorts, theme parks and attractions, hotels, water parks, real estate developments, regional entertainment venues, cruise ships and new media technology projects. Walt Disney Imagineering has produced some of the world’s most distinctive experiential storytelling”. While you may not aspire to work for the Disney Company as an Imagineer, I am encouraging you to work as an Imagineer for yourself – to master plan, creatively develop; design and project manage your own life!
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” Albert Einstein
So, what about it? - What was your childhood dream? Do you still have it? Are you still pursuing it? Has it changed? What are you dreaming about doing or becoming? For some, you have definitely known for years exactly what you want to do for your professional career. For others, you’re still not quite sure and that’s OK too. Don’t worry. It will come to you. And hopefully by reading this article, it has helped you get on track to at least begin to discover the real you, develop your unique gifts and talents and then to dream your way to your definite purpose in life.
The Role of Leadership
October 31, 2009
The Role of Leadership
As we consider our role as leaders, I like what John Gardner says, “The first step is not action; the first step is understanding. The first question is how to think about leadership.” As Gardner says, the first step is understanding, which is different from knowledge. This is an important distinction that leaders can overlook. Knowledge about a subject does not necessarily mean we understand how to implement the knowledge we have. Have you ever known a “know it all” who doesn’t possess the tact or grace to lead others? Their problem is not a lack of knowledge, but a lack of insight, a lack of finesse and discretion in handling a particular circumstance. In other words, they lack understanding.
Pride hinders Understanding
Our lack of understanding can sometimes be caused by pride. And hardly anything is more detrimental to a leader than pride. Pride blocks our willingness to improve, deafens our ability to hear constructive correction, and deters us from seeking counsel. It stunts our personal and professional growth and it isolates us from those who can help us. Pride is what keeps us from recognizing why everybody else has moved on. It causes us to become irrelevant. For example, it can keep us stuck on methodologies that may have worked in the past, but are not working today. Yet, we continue on with what we know even if it is no longer productive. Pride can also weaken our relationships. It speaks of winning the argument, more than winning the relationship. Pride shouts to exercise its position of power, rather than exercising the power of humility. Pride says knowledge is king and the leader is never wrong, rather than seeking the wisdom of understanding the bigger picture. The voice of pride says the leader does not need others, which further pushes us into living with the sound of silence where self deception lurks. Great leaders cannot afford to overlook the possibility of being poisoned by pride. Thus, the primary thing about our role as leaders is not so much our position, but our understanding the purpose of our position, and to understand that we turn next to Gardner’s second point, “how to think about leadership.”
What is leadership?
In thinking about how I think about leadership, I came up with the following six principles to share with you. I trust you will find them helpful as you continue on your leadership journey.
1. Character = personal power from within - Dr. Stephen R. Covey, one of the great leadership role models of our time talks about “primary and secondary greatness”. He says that to focus our relationships and leadership on personality traits is always secondary to focusing on the development of our personal character within. He teaches, “If we use human influence strategies and tactics to get other people to do what we want, we may succeed short term; but over time, our duplicity and insincerity will breed distrust. Everything we do will be perceived as manipulative. We may have the “right” rhetoric, style and even intention, but without trust, we won’t achieve primary greatness. In a social or academic system, you may get by if you learn how to “play the game.” You may make favorable first impressions through charm; you may win through intimidation. But secondary personality traits alone have no permanent worth in long term relationships. If there isn’t deep integrity and character strength, true motives will eventually surface and relationships will fail. Many people with secondary greatness— social status, position, fame, wealth or talent—lack primary greatness or goodness of character. And this void is evident in every long-term relationship they have, whether it is with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child. It is character that communicates most eloquently.”
2. Exampleship = confident to ask others to follow us – This may seem a little bold, but the fact of the matter is if aren’t confident enough in ourselves and what we are doing to ask others to follow our lead then we forfeit our leadership role. Our role is to set the example, show the way, and live the life we are calling others to follow. Muhammad Ali, the three time World Heavy Weight Champion of the World and one of the most famous American icons, talks about the example of a leader who is also his personal hero, Nelson Mandela – “Mandela is my hero because he is a man of great personal honor, strength, and integrity, but he was always fighting for something greater than himself – It is painful to imagine that this man, who radiates so much love, who espoused so many truths, could have spent so much of his life in prison – Mandela has inspired me to think beyond myself, to think of people in the wider world as part of a common humanity. He remains a hallmark of what it really means to give of oneself selflessly, which is, indeed, a gift for us all.”
3. Influence = possess a quiet authority – Dr. John Maxwell, another giant in the leadership field, teaches us that leadership is simply influence. The great thing about this is that anyone, from anywhere in the community or company can have influence. We may not have the most responsibility, make the most money or have the highest position, but we can still have the most influence for the common good. Dr. Maxwell writes, “Do individuals have to be at the top of the organizational chart to develop relationships with others and get them to like working with them? Do they need to possess the top title to achieve results and help others become productive? Do they have to be president or CEO to teach the people who report to them to see, think, and work like leaders? Of course not. Influencing others is a matter of disposition, not position.”
4. Service = understands that humility is strength not weakness – Many leaders stumble over this principle. Somehow they get the idea that being in charge means that others are there to serve them. Their paradigm of leadership is being the one who gives the orders and is removed from listening to the suggestions from the front line workers. While that kind of leadership can work to a degree, it will not work to unleash the full potential productivity of your followers. Peter F. Drucker, considered the Dean of business and management philosophy, said, “The great majority of executives tend to focus downward. They are occupied with efforts rather than results. They worry over what the organization and their superiors ‘owe’ them and should do for them. And they are conscious above all of the authority they ‘should have’. As a result, they render themselves ineffectual.” Tapping the fullness of our follower’s contributions is accomplished by servant leadership. Jesus, who many consider the greatest leader of all time, taught his followers this principle when he said, “Whoever desires to be the greatest among you shall be the servant of all.” This requires the strength of humility. Don’t make the mistake of thinking meekness is weakness. Humility is not being powerless, but is rather having power under control for use at the right time and for the right reason.
5. Action = willingness to take a risk that succeeds or fails - Personal growth and transformation expert Anthony Robbins says, “Personal power is the ability to instantly and consistently take action, even in stressful, harsh, or unfair conditions. It requires the ability to:
- Identify your precise or specific outcome at any moment in time
- Take the necessary action to achieve that outcome without hesitation
- Judge whether the present results you are obtaining are leading you closer to or further away from your goals
- Quickly, effectively and continually flex your approach until you achieve your desired outcome
Everything we try is not always going to work out. Every idea we get will not always lead to the desired result. Venturing out will sometimes lead us back to square one. However, all leaders must understand that there is no success without failure. Failure is part of the process that we endure. Failure is what shapes our character. Failure is what reveals us for what we are. But, regardless of how many times we might fail, we will continue to learn, adjust, flex and take action once more until we achieve the desired outcome.
6. Vision = sees before others see and sees what others can’t see – “Where there is no vision, the people perish” is the tag line I use because I have learned the value of developing a vision. The value of vision lies in how it can inspire people to higher levels of life and provide motivation to accomplish great things. Vision can ignite a fire within people. It can cause whole movements to spread across a neighborhood, school, community or country. Where would we be today without visionaries? Visionary leaders see beyond the norm. They see what others can’t see. They see the possibility when others see only the impossible. Visionaries dream of realities before their time. They call into existence that which does not exist. They believe for others what others cannot belief for themselves. I love the story of Michael Angelo and his creation of the statue of King David. Allow me to paraphrase it here: Michael Angelo had been commissioned by the leaders of a certain town in Italy to create a monument for the town center square. As he thought about what to do he passed by this huge piece of marble rock every day. As he continued to look at the rock, he finally saw and knew what he would create. He diligently went to work, carving, chiseling, sanding, polishing and working until he had completed the project. He called the town commission and all the people together for the great unveiling of his creation. As he unveiled his statue of King David the people marveled in awe at his master piece. When asked how he had created such a fine piece of art he replied, “As I looked at the rock I saw in it King David and I just cut away everything until he appeared out of the rock.” That is the way of visionary leaders. While everybody else only saw a huge rock, the artist saw a master piece just waiting to be brought to life and worked until it was manifested.
The above six principles are not an exhaustive list of leadership principles. Leadership is a huge topic and a lifelong pursuit. Nevertheless, I trust you will find them useful as you consider your role in whatever leadership capacity you are currently in or aspire to be in. And remember, being a leader does not mean having a title or position of being in charge. And if you are a parent, then you already have the most important role of leadership one can have in society.
RRR
Community Leadership and Gangs
August 24, 2009
Community leadership is:
1. Investigation – Knowing what the burning issues are, or the “community cry”, as I like to call it. This can be determined by surveys, focus groups and town hall meetings where the public is engaged to address local concerns that are directly affecting their quality of life.
2. Involvement – Community leadership need not be a “top down” structure. In fact, it is usually more effective when it is led by grassroots, or “bottom-up” leadership that comes from the unelected, un-bureaucratic strings that slow the process for taking action.
3. Investment – While it is true that something can be done about issues with little or no money, a lot more can be accomplished when those entities who control the community purse strings invest in the development of committees, strategic plans, and employees to implement the plans developed. This includes investors from both the public and private sectors of the community. The more private money the better, as, again, it usually does not come with all the strings that hinder and limit needed action.
4. Influence – Once the issues have been identified, plans have been discussed openly with any and all concerned and investors have been secured to hire employees to implement the plan, a campaign is needed to raise awareness, recruit volunteers and educate the constituents about the purpose, goals and objectives of the action plan to sustain it until the goals are achieved.
Using the above principles, my intention here is to raise awareness and focus the attention of community leadership on the local youth street gangs. The first principle of “Investigation” has been accomplished by many communities and does not need further elaboration here, except to say that those who decide to be involved with the gang issues should remain students, keeping up with all the changing data regarding gangs. As one writer put it, “if there is any constant in today’s gangs…it is their changing forms…”
Youth violence and street gangs continue to be a concern for many communities across the country. According to the National Gang Threat Assessment 2009, law enforcement now estimates there to be one million gang members in America! This is a substantial increase from the estimate of 760,000 in 2006. No one seems to be quite sure if the reason for the increase is because of an actual increase of youth joining gangs, more communities paying more attention to, or finally acknowledging their gang problem, or simply a faulty methodology for collecting accurate gang membership data. My guess is that it is some combination of all of the above.
For many communities, this “old problem” for others, is a new problem for them and they are searching for answers. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of answers to be found and it is more about learning what not to do, than what to do, that has been tried unsuccessfully by other communities. Most community’s first order of business has been to involve law enforcement. That is understandable given the crime associated with gangs. However, new gang communities should also learn that over time, law enforcement is not a solution to the gang problem, but only a normal and necessary reaction to the gang problem. In other words, if a crime is committed by any person or group of people, we expect law enforcement to react and do their work accordingly. But the problem does not end there, nor should it be expected to any more than chopping off weeds at the surface should be expected to end the problem of the weeds growing back. Nevertheless, many communities continue to go down this well trodden road of heavy suppression tactics to solve the gang problem. While suppression can provide a temporary “quick fix”, that gives our “front lawn” a neat and orderly appearance for awhile, in due season, the weeds grow right back.
The Roots of the Issue
Gangs exist for a reason. Youth are drawn to this destructive lifestyle for a reason. We may not like, agree with, or accept their reasoning, but gangs continue to exist and grow regardless, and that alone should cause us to step back and think more deeply about this gang phenomenon that continues to allude a solution. This is why I use the metaphor of “weeds”, because, like gangs, we have never been able to solve the weed problem and have come to simply accept it as a fact of life, rather than a problem that can be solved. Yes, we can solve it better in some places than others. We can replace real grass with astro-turf and rid ourselves of having to deal with the problem. But that solution is artificial and comes at the expense of giving up enjoying the nature of the real deal. In any case, in the end, weeds exist, will continue to exist and in some places thrive, due to environments beyond our ability to control. Unfortunately, the same can be said about gangs. As the professor of criminal justice at the University of Illinois, Chicago, author, and gang expert John Hagedorn says: “today’s gangs are not going away soon, no matter what we do.”
As I have studied, watched and been actively involved with the gang issue over the years, I suggest, that communities should view gangs, like weeds, as a fact of life, and not as a problem they can get rid of. I know that sounds pessimistic or maybe even cynical, but that is not my intention. My intention is to be realistic. Realistic about how feasible it is for communities to expect to put an end to the gang problem, when they can’t even solve its root causes:
1. Poverty – Statistics show that wherever there is poverty, there will be a high probability of gang spawning. The U.S. government declared a “war on poverty” decades ago, but we are not any closer to solving the problem of poverty. According to the United Nations, nearly one billion people live in slums, 12 million in the U.S. alone. And by 2020, the UN predicts that half of the world’s urban population will live in poverty.
2. Drugs – UN studies show that illegal drugs are a $400 billion global business equaling 8% of the global economy. And Professor Hagedorn tells us that, “In Chicago, like elsewhere in the United States, cocaine transformed gangs into economic enterprises”. Accordingly, drugs are a major motivator and a strong tool of recruitment for youth to join gangs and make quick cash.
3. Racism – Aside from the “normal” race issues our country has battled before and after the civil rights movement, racism has become a factor amongst the gang sub-culture, according to recent revelations from interviews and court documents with Mexican Mafia gang members and associates. Prison gangs are divided by race. Prison gangs continue to have influence over many local street gangs. According to the record, many seemingly “senseless” murders have been part of a Mexican Mafia ethnic cleansing initiative begun in the 1990’s.
4. Broken Families – The 50% divorce rate of married couples in America has been known for many years. In addition, we have also exposed many of the family secrets of abuse and neglect children suffer at the hands of their parents/guardians behind closed doors. Today, we are dealing with the attempt to re-define the nuclear family and the institution of marriage, which will certainly carry its own consequences (unintended or not). The bottom line is the effect all these things combined will have on the future health and happiness of our children and their children. By their own admission, an unhealthy home life is one of, if not the main reason, why youth join gangs in the first place.
Given the above root causes for creating gangs (and other negative lifestyles); I suggest being realistic is an important factor in determining community strategy. Approaching a problem to get rid of is a different mentality than approaching a fact of life. We all hope that the scourges of poverty, drug addiction, racism and dysfunctional families would disappear. Nevertheless, we have all had to learn to live with these things, and in many cases have been victims touched personally by one, two or all of the above.
Choosing Your Battlefield
By being realistic I do not mean to suggest giving in or giving up just because these facts of life are in our midst. Even Jesus said, “the poor you will always have with you”, but He did not mean to imply that we should do nothing about it, but simply to recognize it as something to acknowledge and deal with correctly, fairly, justly, reasonably. Thus, each community must do the same regarding gangs. It means that we shift our focus from the problems gangs create, to the problems that create gangs. We know what to do about the problems gangs create. That is the job of law enforcement. It is the root causes outlined above that communities often choose to neglect or acknowledge as battlefields that need more of our time, energy and resources.
I have no doubt your community has many fine leaders (perhaps you are one) and community organizations already in the trenches dealing with all of the root issues I mentioned and more. And if by chance you are not already involved, I pray this article has stirred something deep within you to cause you to consider joining the battle for the safety of your neighborhood or community with your family, friends and colleagues. Because the fact is, we are responsible for the quality of life in our community more so than the police or any other government agency.
My cousin recently wrote to me and said: “I’d like to ask, as an individual, what can I do? In my small city 4 miles square, there are so many gangs.”
The answer to that question is which battlefield is most important to you? Which issue is closest to your heart? Which problem strikes a chord within and ignites your passion to get involved? Once you decide that, you can either take part in a community focus group or forum (Investigation). Volunteer at a local nonprofit as a mentor or other place of service (Involvement). You might want to become an annual donor to one of the faith-based or nonprofits working in your particular areas of concern (investment). Finally, you might consider using your speaking or writing talents to attend city council meetings, or write a letter to the newspaper expressing your views and solutions. Believe me the words of voters do carry power with politicians! (Influence)
Now if you’re still not sure about what you can do, let me suggest the following: Community leadership starts in the home. This is why the role of parents and the influence we have on our children is so crucial to perpetuate and preserve any amount of safety we can expect in our neighborhoods. This is what I have chosen as my battlefield and I invite you to join me, along with many other “Parents on a Mission” (POM), as I call them, who are dedicated to their own personal growth in learning the required skills to raise happy, healthy children as the best gang prevention strategy any community can invest in. If you are not a parent, or a parent of small children, then you are the perfect candidate for enrolling in the POM leadership training. If you kids are already teens or older, this leadership training will still help you, as well as, help you to help others.
Join the leadership Movement for Gang Prevention
Finally, as with any community problem, leadership is the key. And, as mentioned earlier, leadership can come from anywhere and anyone in the community willing to invest their ideas, talent, and/or time and resources to ongoing efforts already in place. Or perhaps be part of initiating a new movement of creative solutions. However you decide to get involved, I can assure you that your leadership will make a difference and help improve your community and prevent more children from joining gangs than if you choose not to get involved at all.
If you are interested in learning more about “Parents on a Mission”, and joining me in our leadership movement for gang prevention, please visit:
www.richardrramos.com/gang-prevnetion
Sincerely,
Richard
Leadership & Personal Accountability
June 2, 2009
Leadership is crucial. Make no mistake about it - when we lead, where we lead, who we lead and how we lead has ramifications far beyond what we may think. Therefore we must remain sharp, on point, and competent.
Leaders must always be alert and self-aware. We must know when it’s time to get away from the “urgent” and take time for the “important” - like the sharpening of our saw (mind). Otherwise we grow weary, work harder instead of smarter, get lazy and make decisions that are not always our best. We begin to settle for the old axiom of “good enough”. Slowly we begin to lose a bit of our edge of excellence and enthusiasm we had when we began our leadership journey. To avoid this pitfall we need each other. We need accountability.
We usually associate accountability with personal face to face relationship that may bring up negative or positive emotions depending what our experience has been. Some of us have had the pleasure of being mentored up close and personal by a great leader that possessed all the qualities and characteristics we admire and strive to emulate. Others have experienced let down, frustration and a bitter break in relationship. Nevertheless, whatever the case may be, accountability is still a bedrock principle for competent and long lasting leadership.
For those struggling with past experiences and/or struggling to find “the right” personal mentor, I offer some alternative ways to look at being personally accountable.
Over the years I have studied, read, analyzed and subscribed to numerous books, articles, magazines, video and live presentations. I have watched and learned from some of the “Masters” (as we might refer to them) at the top of the field of leadership past and present. Leaders such as Stephen Covey, John Maxwell, Ken Blanchard, Hyrum Smith, Anthony Robbins, Warren Bennis, Daniel Coleman, Napoleon Hill, Peter Drucker and a host of others.
One of the things I observed and thought about was the autonomy, loneliness as it were, of those at the top. After all, who holds the top leader accountable? It seemed that they were all mentors of others, holding others accountable, but what do those at the top do? Some of them refer to their personal mentors, others do not. Still others answer to a Board or advisory council, but that is not always the same thing. Professional accountability is one thing. Personal accountability is another.
Below are some suggestions on how to consider personal accountability from a different, yet practical perspective. As I share my thoughts I hope you will discover, or re-discover, your personal path of accountability.
1. Strangers can help you be accountable - Sometimes it’s those who don’t know us that can give us the insight or correction we need. This happens in a passing comment, situation you observe or a direct comment from the security guy at the airport that delivers the kick in the butt we need.
2. Relatives - Wisdom and accountability can found in the most unlikely places. We may have thought our mom, uncle, aunt, grandma, mother-in-law, etc. were too old, or out of touch and unable to teach us about us. However, unexpectedly it’s at the family reunion, Christmas party or wedding where we reconnect and stumble across old school wisdom that holds us accountable in ways we may have taken for granted and overlooked.
3. Good Books - Many of the people I consider “my personal mentors” are people I have never personally met, but whose books I have not simply read, but studied and consumed once and again. My notes in the margins and highlighted passages - are all dated so when I go back to them I can see how long it’s been and what progress (or not) that I have made regarding the principle I committed to when I first read the book.
4. Media - There’s nothing like a good movie, song or TV show that speaks right to your heart and brings you to that place of brokenness and child likeness again. Media that causes humility and necessary paradigm shifts can hold us accountable to personal goals and values in the most indirect but powerful way.
5. Sermons - For churchgoers sermons can really keep us in check. All of us are bombarded with the thinking of others - the political, social and cultural clashes of the day. You would have to live in a cave not to be. At the end of the day, the nice thing about hearing a good sermon is you get to sit and take in what God’s Word has to say on particular issues from a spiritual perspective. It reminds a leader we are part of something much bigger than our own ambitions.
6. Children - Need I say more? The simple honesty and innocence of children will bring you to accountability quicker than all those high priced leadership seminars we pay to go to. Not that we don’t need the seminars, but in case you can’t afford it in these days of recession, don’t forget that “out of the mouth of babes” comes wisdom and lessons we need and should heed.
7. Spouses - As in the example above, our spouse has a way of bringing us back to reality very quickly. Talk about up close and personal! There’s no escaping this accountability whether we like it or not. Public image is easy, private character is work and no one knows our private character better or is more qualified to call us into accountability than our spouse.
To be sure, I don’t mean to imply that we can be a “Lone Ranger” all the time because we had a bad experience with a past boss, leader or coach. But the bigger point about personal accountability is that even if we do have a mentor, it doesn’t guarantee progress if we don’t receive their guidance. Remember, the key to personal accountability is possessing the personal integrity to receive wisdom in the form of correction. And if we don’t, or can’t, find someone who can directly speak into our lives, I suggest we can find that needed voice of accountability in the many simple, daily things and people around us.
Thought Leadership and Vision
April 15, 2009
“Where there is no vision, the people perish…” – Prov. 29.18
Drawing from this ancient wisdom, leaders of communities are reminded of the power, importance and influence that “vision” has on people. Every significant social cause or movement that has had a transitional impact on the status-quo of society can be traced back to a thought, an idea, and a vision that became a strong voice for and of the people. As we examine the important contributions made in service to people, whether they are great organizations, institutions or inventions of particular products, they all began in the mind of one person, or a group of people, who then proceeded to produce a strategy of implementation that gave voice to the vision.
During this time of economic uncertainty and with so much at stake, I cannot think of a more important time where a clear and wise vision is needed from leaders at every level of society. It is expected that a lot of rhetoric will be spoken from all our political leaders, but we should not depend solely upon government for the kind of direction needed on the ground in our day to day experience. Political leaders tend to point out problems, who or what is to blame and then follow with the rhetoric of promises for change.
However, we have watched this re-run picture so many times before only to be disappointed as the good intentions of the new elected leader always seem to get side tracked and then explained away as the establishment political machine does what it does best; cause politicians to break their campaign promises. How many times have we heard through the years that Washington Politics are “broken” and that “change” is needed, yet, our nation continues down the slope of over spending, national debt, and economic policies that favor globalism evidenced by more downsizing, lay-offs and manufacturing jobs transferred overseas? The truth is no one politician or President has the power to bring the kind of change needed and once in office they discover this and usually end up “playing ball” on the field of business as usual. This is not to say they did not have good intentions, but weighing re-election against breaking campaign promises usually favors the former. It seems to me that those with vision, good intentions and the best and brightest ideas, need to avoid public office in order to be effective in meeting the real needs of their community.
Vision and leadership is often thought of as coming from someone in charge of an organization or elected to public office. Or we assume that in order for someone to lead they must start their own organization to implement their ideas and vision. While that may be true in some instances, it need not always be the case. And while a thought leader does not necessarily have to be in charge of the people or organization, he or she must be willing to challenge the status-quo of dysfunction, ineffectiveness, stagnancy and/or inequality with a better idea. After all, vision and expertise are not only found at the administrative level. History has shown us that those on the front lines of community service also have a lot to offer by way of solutions relevant to the people they serve. I suggest one key for decision makers is learning how to tap this important resource of thinking that could prove to enhance the vision and bottom line of the community.
Leadership Through Relationships
January 13, 2009
There are two kinds of leaders; those who want to be liked and those who want to be respected. If you are respected but not liked, your leadership might be wanted, but it will probably be short lived. It is possible to be both respected and liked and we should strive for both.
Building relationships is one of the most important things we do in life on a personal and professional level.
Four thoughts on relationships and leadership:
1. Leadership can be defined in one word; Influence
2. Influence comes through relationship
3. Relationship determines the amount of influence
4. Relationship and influence determine the effectiveness of our ability to lead
You don’t have to be “thee” leader to lead an organization. Good relationships are the key to helping you lead from anywhere in or outside of any organization.
Principles of building relationships of leadership
A. Problem solving with problem people
1. Constantly cultivate a genuine love for people – One way of doing this is to constantly be grateful for what you have and constantly remind yourself of the grace you have received to be who you are.
2. Cultivate a genuine trust in people – Unless otherwise inhibited by an intuitive sense of caution, most people want to do the right thing and will be drawn to your transparency.
3. Always separate the person from the problem – Our message to others is always; “I have a problem with what you are doing, not with who you are”.
4. Most problems are not disagreements as much as misunderstandings -Avoid investing all your emotion in your view, opinions, and methods as it tends to leave little room for others.
5. One of the best ways to get others to “see” things from your point of view is to listen and seek to understand their point of view – This is done using the old Socratic method of asking sincere questions.
“Leaders see more in others than they see in themselves”
“Part of qualifying to stay in leadership is getting results”
B. Relationship through Authenticity
1. Show support for others interests by showing up
2. Smiling, acts of kindness and courteous deference go a long way with people
3. Keep a good sense of humor, mostly by being able to laugh at yourself
4. Communicate a positive, energetic and enthusiastic outlook on their work
5. Praise and compliment often
6. Be yourself
C. How to influence leaders to be follow you
1. Commitment to a cause that contributes to their significance as leaders.
2. A reputation for service that meets their needs and has established trust
3. Genuine passion and conviction
4. Opportunity to contribute and grow
5. No hidden agendas
6. Buy into and promote their agenda
7. Loyalty to the absent
8. Be a cut above in integrity and availability
9. Know how to follow through and “finish”
10. Promote the team, not yourself
11. Seek Feedback by:
• learning about those we serve
• learning from those we serve
• listening to those we serve
Concluding food for thought:
• Learning and listening are the emotional deposits and investments of time that bring big returns when it counts
• Discover creative ways to add value to our constituents
• Increase the points of contact to increase opportunities to meet their needs
• Ultimately this means more relationships would have to be broken for them to change to another’s leadership
