Leadership Through Relationships
January 13, 2009
There are two kinds of leaders; those who want to be liked and those who want to be respected. If you are respected but not liked, your leadership might be wanted, but it will probably be short lived. It is possible to be both respected and liked and we should strive for both.
Building relationships is one of the most important things we do in life on a personal and professional level.
Four thoughts on relationships and leadership:
1. Leadership can be defined in one word; Influence
2. Influence comes through relationship
3. Relationship determines the amount of influence
4. Relationship and influence determine the effectiveness of our ability to lead
You don’t have to be “thee” leader to lead an organization. Good relationships are the key to helping you lead from anywhere in or outside of any organization.
Principles of building relationships of leadership
A. Problem solving with problem people
1. Constantly cultivate a genuine love for people – One way of doing this is to constantly be grateful for what you have and constantly remind yourself of the grace you have received to be who you are.
2. Cultivate a genuine trust in people – Unless otherwise inhibited by an intuitive sense of caution, most people want to do the right thing and will be drawn to your transparency.
3. Always separate the person from the problem – Our message to others is always; “I have a problem with what you are doing, not with who you are”.
4. Most problems are not disagreements as much as misunderstandings -Avoid investing all your emotion in your view, opinions, and methods as it tends to leave little room for others.
5. One of the best ways to get others to “see” things from your point of view is to listen and seek to understand their point of view – This is done using the old Socratic method of asking sincere questions.
“Leaders see more in others than they see in themselves”
“Part of qualifying to stay in leadership is getting results”
B. Relationship through Authenticity
1. Show support for others interests by showing up
2. Smiling, acts of kindness and courteous deference go a long way with people
3. Keep a good sense of humor, mostly by being able to laugh at yourself
4. Communicate a positive, energetic and enthusiastic outlook on their work
5. Praise and compliment often
6. Be yourself
C. How to influence leaders to be follow you
1. Commitment to a cause that contributes to their significance as leaders.
2. A reputation for service that meets their needs and has established trust
3. Genuine passion and conviction
4. Opportunity to contribute and grow
5. No hidden agendas
6. Buy into and promote their agenda
7. Loyalty to the absent
8. Be a cut above in integrity and availability
9. Know how to follow through and “finish”
10. Promote the team, not yourself
11. Seek Feedback by:
• learning about those we serve
• learning from those we serve
• listening to those we serve
Concluding food for thought:
• Learning and listening are the emotional deposits and investments of time that bring big returns when it counts
• Discover creative ways to add value to our constituents
• Increase the points of contact to increase opportunities to meet their needs
• Ultimately this means more relationships would have to be broken for them to change to another’s leadership
